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working to end mens violence against women

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Hello

Listen
Believe them & let them know you do
Ask them how you can help
Tell them they are not crazy
Express your concerns
Don’t blame them for the abuse or their decisions
Don’t spread gossip
Let them make their own decisions
Give them our info and hotline number
Take care of yourself – call us if you need support and further resources

You are entitled to have an advocate from the Women’s Freedom Center with you at the hospital.
We can help to clarify things that might be confusing about this process and offer support.
Going to the hospital after an assault is a very brave choice and we support your decision to make sure your body is healthy.

The assault was NOT your fault
and you DESERVE help.
No one should have to recover
from sexual assault alone.

"It’s not progress to be “given” the right to vote. To be “given” the right to choose.
Those are simply corrections of crimes that were committed against our gender. And these so called “rights” were not given freely.
We had to wrench them from the same hands that are still trying to hold us down today.”
Keynote address Take Back the Night, St. John’s University 2012 - Cara Hoffman

Tell you everything's your fault?
Criticize you for little things?
Control all the money?
Accuse you of being unfaithful?
Prevent you from working or going to school?
Constantly put you down?
Keep track of all of your time?
Threaten to hurt you, your children, or themselves?
Throw things or punch walls?
Keep you from leaving the house when you want?
Force you to have sex?
Stop you from seeing your family and friends?
Physically hurt you?

Feel afraid of your partner?
Make excuses for their behavior?
Sometimes feel like you're "walking on eggshells"?
Stay because you're afraid of what your partner would do if you left?
If you answered "yes" to any of these, you may be in an abusive relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship think about:
A safe place to go if you need to leave home
Having a packed bag ready & storing it somewhere safe
Is there a neighbor you can confide in?
Is there a co-worker you can tell?
Trust your instincts
You have the right to do whatever it is that keeps you safe

“If you have a conception of freedom that includes the existence of rape, you are wrong.”
– Andrea Dworkin, radical feminist & writer [from 1983 speech]

Tips to Stay Safe on Social Networking Sites:
Set Facebook and other sites to Private
Only post things you want the public to see or know
Be protective of your personal contact info – don’t put it online if it doesn’t need to be
Keep your passwords private
Avoid posting private details on friend’s pages
If you feel safe to do so, block your ex on Facebook and other networking sites
Keep a record of harassing messages, posts, & comments for documentation
Always report inappropriate behavior to the site administrators
On-line communication can have real-life negative consequences. Don’t do or say anything online that you would do in person
While it is inconvenient and may seem extreme, disabling or deleting your social networking page entirely may be your best and safest option to stop continued abuse and/or harassment

Stalkers may intimidate a person in a number of ways:
Following the victim
Watching the victim’s home or place of employment
Writing letters or sending unwanted gifts to the victim or their family
Spreading rumors
Making repeated and unwanted phone calls, texts, emails, or contacts through social networking websites
Threatening to commit physical or sexual violence
Threatening to harm themselves as a way to intimidate the person they’re stalking
Using GPS, cell phone tracking and other technology to constantly track the victim’s location

The question is not, “Why does she stay?” the question is “WHY DOES HE ABUSE?”
"Every day we hear news stories about violence, but, rarely, if ever, are they linked to masculinity. It's time to make connections between the epidemic of men's violence in our country and what society is teaching boys about masculinity.” – Pat McGann, Director of Strategy and Planning at Men Can Stop Rape (http://www.mencanstoprape.org/)

Myth: Domestic violence is due to poverty or lack of education.
Reality: Domestic violence is common across all class, race, cultural groups & education levels in society.
Myth: Men are victims of domestic violence as often as women are.
Reality: Research shows that women are victims in 95% of domestic violence cases.
Myth: She was asking for it. She brought on the abuse herself.
Reality: Victims have no control over what batterers do. Batterers are making the choice to abuse.
Myth: Only passive people with low self-esteem end up in abusive relationships.
Reality: Anyone could be a victim of domestic violence.

"Without men's active engagement with gender justice, efforts to solve the problems are ultimately limited,"
Shira Tarrant - American writer on gender politics, feminism, sexuality, pop culture, & masculinity

"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."  
—Gloria Steinem, feminist, journalist and political activist

“Why is domestic violence a “women’s issue”?..... No man should step back—or be asked to—from our shared responsibility to tackle violence and abuse, wherever it may occur and whomever it may affect. We are in this together. It’s time we started acting like it.”
– Laura Bates http://www.everydaysexism.com/

Learn about the Issue!
Attend events!
Put our Brochures in your workplace. Contact us to request materials.
Donate your time and or resources – volunteer at an event, make financial contributions
Lead by example – be a good mentor to youth
Speak out against sexist jokes!
Support alternative anti-oppressive media that promotes healthy attitudes
If you benefit from male privilege, seek out ways you can be an ally!
If you suspect a woman is an abusive situation, let her know you are concerned about her. Refer her

We have the right to not be abused
We have the right to freedom from fear of abuse
We have the right to anger over past beatings
We have the right to share our thoughts and feelings
We have the right to not be isolated from others
We have the right to privacy
We have the right to be treated like adults
We have the right to choose to change the situation
We have the right to want better role models for our children
We have the right to ask for support from our families and friends
We have the right to request and expect assistance from police and social agencies
We have the right to legally prosecute our abusers
We have the right to leave

The WFC is a member program of the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence.
To find out more about the network or to find your local program please visit http://www.vtnetwork.org/ or call 802-223-1302.

A Healthy Relationship . . .
Lets you be yourself
Appreciates individual differences
Brings out positive qualities
Affirms Equality
Allows you to safely say how you feel
Doesn’t attempt to change or control
Gives you freedom to express your needs
Doesn’t make unrealistic demands on either partner
Accepts the need for privacy
Supports and respects each other
Solves conflicts in a fair and rational way
Respects the need, if it arises, to end the relationship

Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home.
Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom.
Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

Love: Good, Bad, and Ugly : Advice & stories for teens
Scarleteen : Sex Education for the Real World
Love is Not Abuse : provides resources to teach teens about dating violence
Loveisrespect : National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
A Thin Line: MTV resource on Digital Abuse
National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center : A central source of information created by multiple federal agencies
Planned Parenthood - Teens : Health information and resources

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866-331-9474
GLBTQ Youth - GLBT National Youth Talkline: 800-246-PRIDE
Adolescent Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433
TeenLine - Teens for Teens : 800-852-8336
Health, Pregnancy, STDs:
 Planned Parenthood: 800-227-8922
 Eating Disorder Helpline: 630-577-1330
Runaway/Homelessness:  
National Runaway Switchboard: 800-293-2080  
Open Door Youth Emergency Shelter: 877-286-2523

Tips to Stay Safe on Social Networking Sites:
Set Facebook and other sites to Private
Only post things you want the public to see or know
Be protective of your personal contact info – don’t put it online if it doesn’t need to be
Keep your passwords private
Avoid posting private details on friend’s pages
If you feel safe to do so, block your ex on Facebook and other networking sites
Keep a record of harassing messages, posts, & comments for documentation
Always report inappropriate behavior to the site administrators
On-line communication can have real-life negative consequences. Don’t do or say anything online that you would do in person
While it is inconvenient and may seem extreme, disabling or deleting your social networking page entirely may be your best and safest option to stop continued abuse and/or harassment

EXPLORE
HAVE FUN
MAKE FRIENDS
TRY NEW THINGS
TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE ACTIVISM, MEDIA LITERACY, FEMINISM, & BODY IMAGE
BE A QUESTIONING, UNAPOLOGETIC, EMPOWERED, SPIRITED TEEN!

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